Reading on the net I think that all sissies, tgirls etc go through a phase (or phases) of uncertainty at some point. Where their conviction in their lifestyle choice is shattered. Sometimes this can happen for a specific reason or (as in my case) for no apparent obvious reason....so here is what happened, the only major recent news in my life.
I was sat at home alone the other night, Sarah was out and none of the girls or Rich were coming round. I had finished my nightly sissy feminine tasks (bath, full body shave, full moisturise etc etc...) and was just enjoying a glass of rose wine when I just had a sudden feeling of ridiculousness. Everything just felt stupid. My appearance, my clothes, my house, my caged penis (been a long time since I thought of it as a penis!!!), my lifestyle. Everything suddenly felt wrong. For anyone who has not had these feelings it is hard to describe. I nearly tore off my clothes, I desperately wanted my chastity device off, I messed my hair up (and considered hacking it all off!!!!), I removed all make up and nail polish, I put on the most masculine clothes I still owned and quite quickly broke down crying.
I rang Katie up in tears and she immediately came round. I think I rang her because she was the first one that truly recognised my 'sissy potential'. I needed reassurance that what I am doing with my life is correct and, and acceptable for want of a better word. Plus she has the spare key to my cage......
As always the first thing she did was make me laugh. I love her for that so much. She is like the big sister I always wanted. In an hour she managed to undue all the destructive thoughts I had been having. She convinced me again that I am who I am. That is all I needed. I put my pink PJ's straight back on and re-painted my nails etc.
So to celebrate me climbing my first wall of doubt I'm going to get the girly tattoo I talked about before. Not sure exactly what yet, but I'm booked in on Monday. Wish me luck and pray that I don't have another crisis!
Love you all!
P.S. Sorry if this wasn't as happy or nawty as my normal post, just wanted to share my experience.
still a great post. You'll have to show us the tattoo when it's healed. (And of course talk about it!)
ReplyDeleteyes I have been there....many times...the best is to have a friend like Katie. I had a friend like that and I would call her and she would say don't move, stay just as you are and I'll be right there. I would be sniffling into my wine glass and she would show up. she would do the same...lighten things up and make me laugh...and then she would point out the obvious like...look at you.she would say...who are you kidding- YOU are a sissy...and I would look down at myself self and see my painted toes, or my silky nylons, or my sexy babydoll...and I would be like...oh my god...you are so right ...who am I kidding...this is who I am...a sissy...and you know what?...it feels great...
ReplyDeleteAs soon as I slipped those panties back on and I felt them settle back around my waist I knew I was doing the right thing! And I'm so glad I didn't do anything bad to my hair. It's taken so long to get it like this and I love it so much! Still not sure what tattoo to get, as long as its definately girly and I can't pass it off as a mans tattoo!
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